.-Cerdos Ególatras!!! (bueno, bueno...cerdos de personalidad tipo A)

This wicked world is full of them!! and i happen to despise them! i mean i´m cool and all (hahah) but i´m a very humble person! I hate people who keep talking out loud (as if everyone want´s to listen to them) about their wonderful experiences, families and stuff...the worst part is that m,ost of them don´t think of it...they just act like that without noticing how much of a jerk their attitude makes them in front of other people (or maybe just in front of me?)

Anyways...i´m thinking about it cause currently my internships are at this Cardiac rehab center, which i don´t happen to enjoy as much as all of my previous internships...except for some of the patients...most of them are really really old and nice people...but some of them! gosh! they just piss me of...did u know that some tipes of personalities can make you more likely to some diseases? for example tipe 3 can make you more likely to have cancer, tipe 1 can make you more likely to heart conditions...well...now i´ll cut and paste some facts about tipe 1 personality...so imagine spending your evenings (1 to 7 pm) in a room full of people that behave this way:

En 1957, dos cardiólogos, Rosenman y Friedman, del hospital Monte Sinaí, en San Francisco, California, describieron un estilo de comportamiento que llamaron patrón de conducta tipo A, que constituye un factor de riesgo para la cardiopatía isquémica. Estas personas tienen 2,5 veces más probabilidades de presentar angina de pecho o infarto de miocardio. El patrón tipo A es un factor de riesgo que opera al margen de otros factores de riesgo como el tabaco, la hipertensión y la obesidad.

Características de la personalidad tipo A

• Velocidad, impaciencia, irritabilidad, siempre tiene prisa.

• Estilo dominante y autoritario.

• Pensamiento concretista, con dificultad para conocer y expresar sus emociones.

• Actitud hostil, dura, competitiva.

• Gran implicación en el trabajo, con tendencia a la actividad permanente. Consideran el descanso o el ocio como pérdidas de tiempo.

• Preocupación por el rendimiento y los resultados finales, más que por el disfrute de la actividad mientras se realiza.

• Pocos intereses y relaciones personales al margen del trabajo.

Son personas enérgicas, que hablan con voz alta y con rapidez, se muestran tensos e impacientes. Su vida gira en torno al trabajo, al logro y al éxito, son competitivos y ambiciosos y dan la impresión de no tener nunca suficiente. Tienen una gran necesidad de control de su ambiente, lo cual los vuelve muy tenaces, aunque pueden seguir intentándolo incluso cuando las posibilidades de éxito son mínimas y la tarea está destinada al fracaso.

Estas personas tratan de probarse a sí mismas continuamente, midiéndose a través de sus logros. Por este motivo emprenden numerosas tareas, tratando de destacar y triunfar en todas ellas. Dado que su valor personal depende para ellos de sus logros, suelen tener un gran temor al fracaso, pues lo consideran un indicativo de su falta de valor personal. Debido a que el logro y el éxito se vuelve para ellos una cuestión vital, se encuentran en una continua competición con los demás.

Tienen problemas para identificar, reconocer y expresar sus propios sentimientos, junto con una ausencia de fantasías.

No es extraño que encontremos a estas personas realizando dos actividades al mismo tiempo. Necesitan estar siempre ocupados, centrados en los resultados en vez de en el placer que puedan obtener con la tarea que realizan. Les cuesta mantener la atención en un tema que no consideren de gran importancia, pues es una pérdida de su valioso y escaso tiempo. A menudo están pensando en la solución de problemas que consideran de gran importancia, casi siempre relacionados con el trabajo, lo cual hace que presten menos atención al mundo exterior y sean, por este motivo, más propensos a accidentes. En los periodos de inactividad o vacaciones se muestran inquietos.

This days i´ve had some other encounters...with doctors...i hate the way they introduce themselves as "dr. yonosequiensit@" wtf? before a doctor you are a person...i mean i know that you killed yourself studying for a lot more years than most people...but anyways..i´ve always seen it as a way of saying "hi..my name is...and i´m better than you"...

Enjoy!

.-Optimistic-.

...That has been my mood this past few days...since like last tuesday...even tho friday was pretty disgusting...and i´ve had some downs...like this moment...but i thought it would be good to write it down...anyways good things to come...pretty busy days C=...ohhh...i wanted to show a pic by me but i´m sleepy...so i used this one i looove that i kinda stole from Carjo (Thanks dude!)


Flies are buzzing around my head
Vultures circling the dead
Picking up every last crumb
The big fish eat the little ones
The big fish eat the little ones
Not my problem give me some

You can try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough


This one's optimistic
This one went to market
This one just came out of the swamp
This one dropped a payload
Fodder for the animals
Living on an animal farm

If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough


I'd really like to help you man I'd really like to help you man..... Nervous messed up marionette Floating around on a prison ship

If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough
If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
Dinosaurs roaming the earth

.-40 and counting

www.mariom.deviantart.com

In 40 days i´m finishing my internships!! i´ll be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow i´m having my 1st 24 hour shift...

The city was empty this week! awesome!

Happines is a funny thing...lately i´ve been talking a lot about it with my mom...and well there´s a lot to say but for today just let´s say a few-well known- things:

-The grass is always greener on the other side.
-Satisfaction is the death of desire.
-Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.

Don´t go watching 2046, long story short...is a slow -badly told- story about emotionless characters! the only good thing where the future parts...the androids were lovely but that´d be about it...i don´t get the huge awards and stuff...

Enjoy!

.-Random Facts 2nd Episode

-M owns two dogs…two beagles…both of them were kinda sick and/or weak…that´s the main reason she and her mom kept them…

-M wanted to be an urbanist/architect…but she can barely handle numbers and drawings…so she thought that would represent a problem.

-M attends Phisychal Therapy School…She´ll be a pro in about 4 months!

-M loves to sing along (she´s not good tho).

-M sometimes uses her eclecticism to hide her indecision.

-M loves those Cup Noodles soup.

-M wanted to be a psychologist, she thinks she would kick ass! But she also thinks psychologists have Good complex.

-Back in highschool M was competitive as hell...now not so much, now she kinda dominates the art of competition.

-M thinks her messiness (yup I think i have just come up with that word...i don´t think it exists...does it?) gives her some touch of geniality –when is controlled of course-.

-M always gets along better with the boys, always has…still she wasn´t a tomboy.

-M has always liked musicals and weird movies…back in 1^st grade her mom got her a “Nightmare before Christmas” vhs tape and she took it to school, when the teacher played it most of the kids didn´t liked it (stupid kids uh? How didn´t they love Tim Burton?).

-M´s favorite movie was Alice in Wonderland.

-M has always been told that she has pretty legs.

-M is wearing PJ´s: a black pant with huge pink hearts C=.

-M´s current insult: Cabron! And some variations of it such as: cabrona, cabrones, cabronzuelo, cabroncito, cabroncillo.

-M was kinda grunge when she was in higschool, then she became kinda neo-punk-semiemo, but for about 4 years now she´s just being indie-eclectic-boho and she plans on staying there.

-M has been told a few times to be “girlfriend material”…by boys that haven´t show that much interest…weird.

-M would make an awesome CCS turistic guide.

-M doesn´t stand out…but doesn´t fit in.

-M could just sit around and do nothing aaaaall day long.

-M has stages when she dreams every single night.

-M hates mustaches…boy with mustaches are pretty disgusting! But beards!! Aw! Beards!! ¨beating heart¨.

-Before she dies M wants to cover a tree in toilet paper (just like that 1979 video).

-Everytime M goes to a store or a restaurant with her mom people think they´re sisters or friends or something…sometimes people can´t even tell who´s on the phone!

-M and her mom always leave a voice recorder on to find out how much the dogs bark.

-M sleeps with her dogs…in the same bed!! And it´s awesome!! Hell it is…if this represents any kind of trouble to you…you suck! And are a class A cabron!

-M has some “angry songs”: send the pain below by chevelle, scars by papa roach and some staind songs.

-M likes to say people´s names.

-M loves kaleidoscopes.

-M had a lemon pie yogurt for dinner and now she´s having the worse "acidez" ever!

-M thinks her previous posts (more than a month ago) where a lot better...once someone told her that were awesome cause where somehow very personal but at the same time very distant.

.-Some kind of girlie stuff-.

I think it´s been over a week since women´s day...but anyways i forgot i had this image...i think it rocks...i had to post it here...happy day gurls! every day is our day!!

I got my new haircut on tuesday and my new colours today (but my colours don´t show that much)...today when i was in the beauty salon i was feeling so good...pretty optimistic...but now...i dunno seems my happiness levels have hit the ground...is funny how our moods vary so much rigth? (i mean cause it happens to everyone doesn´t it?)...about the hair thing...i went to Omer for the first time..i´m never leaving that place...they are awesome! they can really give you quirky hairstyles!!

A while ago i was talking to someone in msn...they didn´t asked...but i was trying to remember my last days...it seems i´ve come to block them...my mind has been full of crazy shit and useless thougs...i just wanna be done with school...and start working and start this new stage of my life..i was offered a job at the clinic i´m doing my internships right now...but i dunno...plus someone else showed up and is a graduate...so...

I had a last idea in mind...but i lost it... Nite!

P.S: I rememberd...i need a "gang" or something...this last month i´ve missed 2 gigs cause i had no one to go with! can u believe it? you know what sucks? having such a cool career but that everyone else that studies the same are such a bunch of plain (or well just different from you) people!! and i barely have time to do other stuff or go to other places and meet different people...anyways i´m too picky with friends...and also this is my bad mood talking...AHORA SI...Nite!

.-Quiero Volver A Ser Una Pagina En Blanco

Y pintarme nuevos colores y matices, otras formas, renovarme...estoy cansada de hoy y de estos dias, del cuerpo y la mente...voy a dormir...me duele la cabeza...me cepillare los dientes de nuevo y bebere agua...tengo un mal sabor...mañana tendre un nuevo corte de cabello y hopefully un nuevo color tambien...decorare mi cuarto...pasado mañana empezare a correr...

Hoy tuve un dia off...i called in sick and stayed home..my mom was off too...we slept like 3 hours in the morning...una tia de mi ma murio el jueves...no puedo imaginar el dia de la muerte de mi ma...extrañare a mi tia Josefina...era una viejita algo cranky pero era nice ir a su cuarto a escuchar cuentos repetidos a pesar de todo...y ver fotos setentosas...

When I wake up early in the morning,
Lift my head, I'm still yawning
When I'm in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream

Please don't wake me, no
don't shake me
Leave me where I am
I'm only sleeping

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy
I don't mind, I think they're crazy
Running everywhere at such a speed
Till they find, there's no need

Please don't spoil my day
I'm miles away
And after all
I'm only sleeping

Keeping an eye on the world going by my window
Taking my time

Lying there and staring at the ceiling
Waiting for a sleepy feeling

Please don't spoil my day
I'm miles away
And after all
I'm only sleeping

Keeping an eye on the world going by my window
Taking my time

When I wake up early in the morning,
Lift my head, I'm still yawning
When I'm in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream

Please don't wake me, no
don't shake me
Leave me where I am
I'm only sleeping

21 thing (ok, ok lines) my version....

Ok, so i migth be a lil picky eh? but also flexible...so i gave it some thought and here´s my list:

Are You Respectful? Polite? Good to your family?

An Ecologist?

Smart, Funny and Clever?

Not Selfcentered? Narcisistic (but hide It too well? Go to random facts about! ^_^)

Must Love Dogs (can´t come to my place if not…I have two and they´re all over the place!)

Are you an art (all forms) appreciator? Gig lover? Silence lover?

A good Cooker? =P Stand out of the crowd?

Like to help people and put smiles on other people faces?

Enjoy kids and old people´s stories?

Can you appreciate details? Can you read between lines?

Like to step on dry leaves?

Responsible and collaborator?

Both childlike and mature? Are you an easy smiler? Like dark humor?

Are you up for new things? Open minded?

Are you a motivator? Hard to intimidate?

Creative and easy going?

Thoughtful? Passionate? Contradictory? Playful?

Don´t mind what others might say?

Love to just hang out, walk around, sit or lay on the green green gras?

Don´t take people´s shit? Stand up for your beliefs and your point of view still respecting other people´s?

Good at conversations?

...so...if u r close to this things...give me a call! hahaha

Ana

Around 9 am today the doctor said "We should get her started on liquid diet"

-Ana! Would you like some juice?

-Yup Please

-Or Tea?

-Whatever...

-Get her a room...we´ll get her out after the hemodialisis is done

We where standing there...in the middle of the ICU...

Around 12:15 a.m. we got down to the ICU again to check on another patient...they where cleaning her up..."they´re getting her ready" i said to myself...but by the time we where done with our patient my supervisor was trying to show me something and when we turned our backs...we saw ana...totally wraped on a yellow blanket...with stickers wih her name...

She was old...but not that old...she had pretty eyes and her hair was dyed in a reddish brown...on monday she tryed to talk to my supervisor and i saw a young man holding her hand, touching her hair and talking to her...today she was finally stable after 10 or 12 days...she was going down to a room...but in just a few hours she was gone...i´ve heard and is like a fact that before people die actually there´s a point where you seem to be recovering...

As cliché as i may sound...actually i´m not gonna say anything i don´t have to explain...is just that i have never been surrounded by this kind of things...

By the time i was leaving the clinic a lot of people where there...this young doctor got up with me on the elevator "i came to visit a friend...his granny just died" he said to a nurse...

who was she? who else did she leave behind? did she had a chance to say goodbye? did she knew she was loved?? did someone told her that before she died?? did she got to tell someone anything she might have wanna say?

about nurses...well i´ll better talk about them another time...

Lack Of...

Inspiration? Creativity? Originality?

So...I´ll go for a lyric again...one picked for the ocasion based of something that hapend to me this friday at a gig..but with a pic of my own to go with...

babahhh babahhh This Is The Sound Of Settling!

I've got a hunger

Twisting my stomach into knots

That my tongue was tied off

My brain's repeating
"if you've got an impulse let it out"
But they never make it past my mouth.

Our youth is fleeting

Old age is just around the bend

And i can't wait to go grey

And i'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been
If i'd only thought of something charming to say.

Baa bah, this is the sound of settling Baa bah, baa bah

Things happen when they´re the least expected...but sometimes as i proved thursday you have to make things happen! if you want something you can make it happen!

21 things (original)

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?

Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion? But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
Are you funny?
A la self-deprecating?
Like adventure?
And have many formed opinions?
These are 21 things that I want in a lover Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? More than three times a week? Up for being experimental? Are you athletic? Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? Are you not addicted?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Curious and communicative...

Random Facts About

-M has taken some of the pics you see on this blog.
-M likes photography, cause it frozens time....which for her opinion goes by too fast.
-M likes to drink now and then...on her own.
-M dislikes people in groups (she might be agoraphobic).
-M likes to cook but hates to wash the dishes.
-M overthinks.
-M doesn´t like to wear brigth colors, she wears them sometimes in accesories.
-M used to bite her toe nails.
-M loves green and brown.
-M is an alpha girl.
-M is a green apple (the juiciest one, said her mom once).
-M loves to have her nails painted in dark but vibrant colors, specially red.
-M is a people person sometimes, but most of times has trusting issues, so she barely has close friends.
-M is a terrible dancer...so she basically jumps around.
-M is trying to let korny into her life.
-M is kinda narcisistic but she just hides it too well.
-M likes all her things weird (people, movies,music,objects).
-M is a really really good driver.
-M is always in a rush.
-M loves old people and kids.
-M lies a lot less than regular people.
-M accidentally ripped off some eyelashes on her right eyelid like a month ago and they haven´t grew yet!
-M is kinda androgin.
-M has a childlike spirit (she´s not childish).
-M will love and even touch if she´s allowed any living creature.
-M is an idealizer.
-M used to practice capoeira and swimming.
-M likes to clean, keeps her mind blank.
-M likes to sing along.
-M loves gigs.
-M loves smart and clever guys, she loooves Ivan Matta and Enrique Lazo.
-M likes healthy food, but is easier to eat junk food.
-M has a pink cell phone, which is weird, her mom was caugth out of guard by her choice.
-M likes to use the word "particular".
-M knows how to do some "home improvement" as in with men tools and stuff.
-M is a helpeless romantic but she hates to admit it.
-M is sometimes a lil bit paranoic.
-M enjoys silence.
-M cries a hell of a lot with movies and books and tv shows.
-M doesn´t watch a lot of tv.
-M is pretty contradictory, eclectic and messy.she is a walking contradiction.
-M is hella good misreading signs. and that sucks.
-M enjoys make people laugh.

I Like Plans

I do...a lot...i like having plans...it makes me feel safe...and organized...even tho i don´t complete all of them...i like to have my things organized and writen on paper..i don´t do it often tho..and i dunno why...

Well i haven´t writen in quit a while...so a quick view of my life this past month:

I started and finished sucesfully (not only cause of 20/20 grades!) but beacuse of all the life lessons, and connections (as in networking) i did...i met all of this wonderfull people...and i looove my super (supervisor) jhonny...he´s actually quite awesome.

I also started work...i have (since like december) a domicliary patient who´s quite awesome too, she´s a 94 year old lovely lady with the coolest sense of humor who had a femur fracture...she´s walking and stuff but they (her daughter, her nurse and her also 94 year old husband!!!! still want me there...and i´m also doing like sustutions for day at this quite prestigious clinic (clinicas caracas) to one of my former teachers and some of his coworkers...is quite awesome...tho i´ve come to realize by my own experience how quickly money slips out of your hands.

I´ve also come to realize i don´t wanna grow up! i mean i don´t wanna work full time and shit...like that jamie cullum´s song that talks about working 9 to 5 and living for the friday nights! Hopefully i´ll get to grow up but in a sane way!

In order to do that thing i´ve called "grow up sanely" i´ve been doing all of this plans...i won´t reveal yet...i will once each one starts developing!

I met a guy...it was quite awesome...i mean at least busted my ego and made feel pretty cool..i was at a gig with some friends and one of my girlfriends bumped into a friend and they were talking when i came up...he had a death from above 1979 t-shirt -he was actually wearing pretty cool clothes- and i made a comment on it and on his pins and then left cause i wanted to get a poster they were giving away...after that i saw him outside when my friend left and just smiled...a few days after when i opened msn i had a new contact... "hi miss...is the guy with the death from above t-shirt"...it was cool that without even noticing it or without intention i´ve left an impression...

I have this patient at the clinic...she made me so freaking sad the other day...she´s a 24 year old girl...with a TCE (traumatismo craneo encefalico) she was hitted by a car in her way to work...the other day i had her on the "cama de bipedestacion: is a bed for her to stand up (she can´t do it by herself) so you make her lay down and basically tie her up to the bed and then make the bed go vertical" so she was standing right in front of me...she can´t talk but she does understand every word you say...i asked her to hold my hand to do some exercises, but she kept looking me with her big eyes...her long dark hair was chopped on a side in order to put a valve and she has all this marks...a traquetomia...and several scars...i felt so sad... i mean life is a game, life is like a progresive rock song...one moment one rhythm, the next moment a totally different beat, and that´s freaking scary...but hey we gotta live!

The other day around 6pm i was done at my internships so jumped to my car and the moment i started driving i had this feeling i´ve never had it was like the certainty of something bad happening to me before i got home...thanks God nothing actually happened!

My super kept making fun of me cause some of the boy´s i was working with (patients...i was in a pediatric area -that i looooove-) where "in love" with me...that was way too fun!) and flattering!

I´m gonna go to bed...and have fun tomorrow...is weird i haven´t been as happy as usually...like there´s something missing....still in a good mood C=

I´ve been watching a lot of movies...that makes me happy...i saw donnie darko today, pursuit of happynes and this one with cameron diaz and kate winslet and jude law and black jack...i loved it!! i love movies and dressing with sense of humor! C=

.Don't make me live for my friday nights.

That´s a line from Jamie Cullum´s twentysomething. (the one in the tittle..not the one in the image)

lately days have been running all over me...all over us...time goes by too quickly...and i´m a messy person...a procrastinator...

today kinda suicked...and i´m tired...i´ll go to bed like right about now...i´ll need some excitement this weekend..and some sleep too!!

.Pissed Off.

FOR REAL!!! I´M SOOO FREAKING F***ING PISSED OFF AT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!

i have no internet home this days...so i had to do some research for my thesis...i came to a cyber cafe...sooooo that was around 4pm! i left...and left my pen drive sticked on the machine!!! OMFG!! 3 hours later i realized...so i ran back to the place...off course it wasn´t there anymore!! what the hell was i thinking??? I´m always quite a mess...Amd i never learn...i hope i finally start growing up a lil bit and stop having my fucking mind on the clouds sometimes....

Valencia

i didn´t wanted to go...then got excited...then got cold feet...but it was awesome!

it was one of the times of my life...

i´ll miss the loooong talks wiht my cousin (cause i cam eback from valencia having a little siste jaja!), helping her study biology, taking naps every afternoon after eating lunch, showering twice a day cause it´s so hot!!, making fun of the weird names of streets, going out every afternoon and nigth with alvaro and eat like a lot cause we had nothing else to do, listen to my cousins cds (estopa!! pignoise!!), listening to the only one cd alvaro had in his mom´s car (retro music!! Le freak cést chick!!), driving around, playing with gorgorito and with flash, eat nothing but bread and chicken ^^ =p, eating strawberries with cream and obleas to the light of the "saman de la viña" o del de naguanagua C=, our miniroadtrips every friday and sunday...with a lot lot lot of green and blue and tons of good music that made me feel like a grown up!

i won´t miss the small car crash...and missing my mom, dogs, and home...

but still with the good, bad and weird...it was an awesome experience!

.-About Politics-.

ok...so i have been offline for sooo long! so...this was a scrap i did dec 4th...the day after the elections...so here it goes...this should have been published a few weeks ago... *hey!! i didn´t realized...this is published with the date i wroter it!! well...i published it dec 26th!!*

When i was younger i didn´t like politics...maybe cause i didn´t understood...prolly cause i just listened...no other kids talked about it, they used to say "my father/mother/uncle says:..." and i´ve never like those words...and i used to have a choice i mean a kid that doesn´t mind about politics is ok...but now...i know i understand and i´m scared...

its always thrilling to go to the marchs and gatherings and see the young people...yesterday was exciting to see old friends from highschool in the lines to vote since very early in the morning! we spent the whole morning there...it was awesome to see one of my youngest disabled patients on tv, at 7AM!! on his line to vote!! (GO DANIEL! GO!)...is always nice to find gatherings planned by young people...it was great that my cell was full of sms from my friends telling me that they were in line and how their things were going...

it was curious to see how many old people went to vote against every little thing...they have already lived, they voted for us! for our future!!...my aunt from valencia is 88 years old...pretty wasted by the time but her daughter drove her to her votation center and was taken to her table on a wheelchair...the amount of elderly people i saw yesterday was astuning! walking really slow and carefully...

it was sad to also find some young people that weren´t even registered to vote!!! and to go online when everybody was histerized and see that some didn´t cared! it pissed me off to be included by a friend on a huge conversation where from almost 12 people 9 where talking and only 5 where doing it seriously...it sucked to find out about people drinking during the "dry law?"..."ley seca"...

i don´t know...after last nite i feel that there´s nothing left to do...only to pray chavez won´t approve the "reeleccion indefinida" law!! and i mean c´mon! he can do whatever he wants with us!

+Rosales is admirable...he didn´t "arrugo" he was brave enough to not ask people to go to the streets...he actually stood for us...even knowing that people was expecting for he to call us to the streets and that he´d loose a lot of followers...i think that was pretty smart...he didn´t played with us

+ young people that don´t realize that you can plan your future as much as you want, you can say whatever the shit you wan, but if the politics of your country are not favorable, nothing will work, as hard as you try...i mean what if chavez takes away our right to private properties???? it seems it is not possible but i´m a lil bit paranoic sometimes...

+people choose chavez...ok...maybe there really is a 2nd venezuela...one we don´t see...one that we refuse to see...or maybe it was really a fraud...i dunno...all i know is that the people that voted for him did it out of stupidness...i mean only because they get some money or weapons or cars every now and then...beacuse they are a bunch of "resentidos sociales" and even if he doesn´t do it they´ll vote for him everytime he say "i´ll take the money away from the rich people"...

+ last nite i felt nauseus to hear him say "as Crist said...i say to you" once again his huge ego...

Happy B-Day Mommy!

she´s turning 42 today...she doesn´t look like...i Loooove her...she really is the greatest mom...i know and other people can tell...i´m really proud of her cause she´s strong and smart...she has take me to where i am...still looks pretty and young...i´ll take her for lunch and then go to valencia...

so i wraped her bedroom door with all this silly things for her to come home tonite while i´m in valencia and finds this nice surprise...she´ll like it i know...cause she loves prett, silly lil things C=

.-But Gravity Always Wins-.

Her green plastic watering can

For her fake chinese rubber plant

In fake plastic earth.

That she bought from a rubber man

In a town full of rubber plants

Just to get rid of itself.

And it wears her out, it wears her out

It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man

A cracked polystyrene man

Who just crumbles and burns.

He used to do surgery

For girls in the eighties

But gravity always wins.

And it wears him out, it wears him out

It wears him out, it wears him out.

She looks like the real thing

She tastes like the real thing

My fake plastic love.

But I cant help the feeling

I could blow through the ceiling

If I just turn and run

And it wears me out, it wears me out

It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted

If I could be who you wanted,

All the time, all the time...

...and if you could be who i wanted...

Boys who like Girls...*BBQ...jaja...how silly am i?*

ok so...i think i´ve had 3 emotional conections with boys so far in my life...or at least the ones i most recall or that moved me somehow...The first will be called B from now on, the 2nd B2 and the third will be called Q...(initials have been changed for witness protection)...

with B i was so damn young! i really was a kid...but i was soooo into him...i think i really was inloved with him...we just started hanging together and then he was all the time in my home...my mom loved him, we had friends in common, i cried with him, we laughed so hard, played so much, and learned so many stuff....he woke up in me so many feeling i didn´t knew...and i learned a lot about myself with him...we used to talk for hours on the phone and spend all afternoon together, nights watching tv...sometimes "cooking" with our friend b.c (initials changed) ^_^ i´m so dumb! anyways when it ended i was kinda mean...we did wrong, he did, so did i...and i decided to take him out of my life...with a clean cut...i spent almost 2 years in regret...till something happened with B2 and talking to my mom i decided it was time for me to give B a call...and he accepted my apologies and reacted amazingly well to my words...i´m so glad for that nite i took the phone! we taklked for over an hour even tho we hadn´t talked in a few years!...now we talk now and then, i know things won´t ever be the same...time changes everything...i´m just pretty happy of what i lived and learned...hope he thinks the same...

B2 was this boy...a lil bit older than me...there was phisicall atraction from the fisrt minute...everyone could tell...then i started an introduction class to his classroom cause it was my social service to the university i attend to...so we started talking...and sharing stuff...but real stuff...problems, feelings...the coolest part was the flirting games on the hallway...but he was a broken boy...too many problems so i realized it was kinda contagious and i did some really bad stuff i´ve feel guilty all this time to the person who most deserves all my love, devotion and dedication for so many reasons that naming them would take me like a zillion posts...still i told him how i felt about him and things just died...he acted like an ass...after that he tried to get close again a few times but i may not know what i really really want but i sure know what i don´t want...

Q is this boy who´s a lil bit younger than me...at the beggining i was so playing hard to get but sooo dying to be around him...he asked me out on a valentines days and i kinda said nope, that day he sent an e-mail with his cell phone number and i wrote to him weeks after that!! cause one day we where on the msn and he told me that medium was on, that he was staying talking but he needed me to remind him to see it that sunday, so i wrote to let him know...and he answered something like "there´s never been a better time to be on fire" jaja...i learned here that you have to let feelings flow and not to overthink...tho is so damn hard to me! well he did so many little things nobody did before that i think it...i´m not sure...i think the word that fits here might be infatuation...or may be not cause infatuation is whitout a reason but we did have reasons...anyways...i recall one nite we where on the msn and he used to make playlists for me and he said he was doing it for me to remeber if someday things ended that someone worked hard (se habia fajado) picking pretty songs for me...or like that time he said that he was getting online so late cause he knew i´d be there but that he usually didn´t, that before me he only got online to check his mail and then leave, that he was there cause of me...i remember our first date was at la estancia, and we layed down on the green green gras, talking and stuff, then one of this plants that fall like helicopters fall down and i grabbed it and show him how it worked...he took the plant into his bag, i thought that was sweet like if he wanted to keep it as a memory or so...one day we where in some kinda discution and i said something about him not caring...he asked me that then why he stayed online talking to me till 3 am on a school day...or that day i told him i thought of him during the day and wondered some things about him and he said he loved so...one day he went to this place (i think he nerver told me wich place was it), he came back so excited he said he wanted to take me there, to show me the things he saw...i have this thing for some hours...12:34, 11:11, 4:44, and stuff and he used to sent me sms´s with those times...he used to write to me almost everynight just to see what was i doing...to let me know which shows where on on tv, make word games, let me know everytime "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" was on, sent pieces of lyrics on those sms, and gave me a few songs (i think that "this mess we´re in" by tom yorke and P.J. Harvey was the first one...and staind´s "Epiphany", an i think there, there by radiohead)...one day he wrote to me just to say that he had been thinking of me for no reason...it was nice......the day after my bday we went out and it was like the coolest nite we had...when he said goodbye he touched my hand grabing my fingers in such a sweet way i still remeber how it thrilled me...i´m so stucked there...still he did some shitty things that i try to keep in mind to not feel bad and just to think that what happens is always the best...most of the times it was a mistery for me what he was thinking about me...he said it was ass hard for him to show his love...but still, he didn´t cared that much about me...and that even tho all of his problems if he really wanted me as he said he would be here, or at the very least trying to...still i´m an ass...i still miss waking up and having old sms´s from him...i loved when he used to ask me what was on my mind...and that we talked in english...it was nice while it last...i won´t name the bad things cause i just wanna like "alimentar mi ego" using this thing my mom told me to...to write good stuff...the good things about me, my life, friends and feelings other peoples has had for me...so i thing i´m done for the nite...i know there are still a lot more boys to come...but is helpless to feel nostalgic about the good times...

I´d just like to know if he ever thinks of me...i guess the answer is no...he´d write to me or so...i hate not to know...i guess i don´t wanna know...plus i won´t write or do a thing...cause i kinda know he´s not right for me...anyways..it pisses me off...i heard a few day s ago that things or moments that don´t mean a thing to some and just forget...are turning points in the other persons life...i just hope to be some kind of mark or special spot in his mind...if not...well...he´s a real ass...

unplug myself

I´ll better myself...i mean i do it everyday but i need to be more agressive...work harder..starting now...so i´ll go to bed right now...i need change...bettere things for myself...i´m optimistic...have tons of plans and as shallow as it may sound i´ll start with my image *malefic laugh* C=

how bout getting off these antibiotics

how bout stopping eating when I'm full up

how bout them transparent dangling carrots

how bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india

thank you terror

thank you disillusionment

thank you frailty

thank you consequence

thank you thank you silence

how bout me not blaming you (or me) for everything

how bout me enjoying the moment for once

how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you

how bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you india

thank you terror

thank you disillusionment

thank you frailty

thank you consequence

thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it

was the moment I got more than I could handle

the moment I jumped off of it

was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic

how bout remembering your divinity

how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out

how bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india

thank you providence

thank you disillusionment

thank you nothingness

thank you clarity

thank you thank you silence