ok so...i think i´ve had 3 emotional conections with boys so far in my life...or at least the ones i most recall or that moved me somehow...The first will be called B from now on, the 2nd B2 and the third will be called Q...(initials have been changed for witness protection)...
with B i was so damn young! i really was a kid...but i was soooo into him...i think i really was inloved with him...we just started hanging together and then he was all the time in my home...my mom loved him, we had friends in common, i cried with him, we laughed so hard, played so much, and learned so many stuff....he woke up in me so many feeling i didn´t knew...and i learned a lot about myself with him...we used to talk for hours on the phone and spend all afternoon together, nights watching tv...sometimes "cooking" with our friend b.c (initials changed) ^_^ i´m so dumb! anyways when it ended i was kinda mean...we did wrong, he did, so did i...and i decided to take him out of my life...with a clean cut...i spent almost 2 years in regret...till something happened with B2 and talking to my mom i decided it was time for me to give B a call...and he accepted my apologies and reacted amazingly well to my words...i´m so glad for that nite i took the phone! we taklked for over an hour even tho we hadn´t talked in a few years!...now we talk now and then, i know things won´t ever be the same...time changes everything...i´m just pretty happy of what i lived and learned...hope he thinks the same...
B2 was this boy...a lil bit older than me...there was phisicall atraction from the fisrt minute...everyone could tell...then i started an introduction class to his classroom cause it was my social service to the university i attend to...so we started talking...and sharing stuff...but real stuff...problems, feelings...the coolest part was the flirting games on the hallway...but he was a broken boy...too many problems so i realized it was kinda contagious and i did some really bad stuff i´ve feel guilty all this time to the person who most deserves all my love, devotion and dedication for so many reasons that naming them would take me like a zillion posts...still i told him how i felt about him and things just died...he acted like an ass...after that he tried to get close again a few times but i may not know what i really really want but i sure know what i don´t want...
Q is this boy who´s a lil bit younger than me...at the beggining i was so playing hard to get but sooo dying to be around him...he asked me out on a valentines days and i kinda said nope, that day he sent an e-mail with his cell phone number and i wrote to him weeks after that!! cause one day we where on the msn and he told me that medium was on, that he was staying talking but he needed me to remind him to see it that sunday, so i wrote to let him know...and he answered something like "there´s never been a better time to be on fire" jaja...i learned here that you have to let feelings flow and not to overthink...tho is so damn hard to me! well he did so many little things nobody did before that i think it...i´m not sure...i think the word that fits here might be infatuation...or may be not cause infatuation is whitout a reason but we did have reasons...anyways...i recall one nite we where on the msn and he used to make playlists for me and he said he was doing it for me to remeber if someday things ended that someone worked hard (se habia fajado) picking pretty songs for me...or like that time he said that he was getting online so late cause he knew i´d be there but that he usually didn´t, that before me he only got online to check his mail and then leave, that he was there cause of me...i remember our first date was at la estancia, and we layed down on the green green gras, talking and stuff, then one of this plants that fall like helicopters fall down and i grabbed it and show him how it worked...he took the plant into his bag, i thought that was sweet like if he wanted to keep it as a memory or so...one day we where in some kinda discution and i said something about him not caring...he asked me that then why he stayed online talking to me till 3 am on a school day...or that day i told him i thought of him during the day and wondered some things about him and he said he loved so...one day he went to this place (i think he nerver told me wich place was it), he came back so excited he said he wanted to take me there, to show me the things he saw...i have this thing for some hours...12:34, 11:11, 4:44, and stuff and he used to sent me sms´s with those times...he used to write to me almost everynight just to see what was i doing...to let me know which shows where on on tv, make word games, let me know everytime "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" was on, sent pieces of lyrics on those sms, and gave me a few songs (i think that "this mess we´re in" by tom yorke and P.J. Harvey was the first one...and staind´s "Epiphany", an i think there, there by radiohead)...one day he wrote to me just to say that he had been thinking of me for no reason...it was nice......the day after my bday we went out and it was like the coolest nite we had...when he said goodbye he touched my hand grabing my fingers in such a sweet way i still remeber how it thrilled me...i´m so stucked there...still he did some shitty things that i try to keep in mind to not feel bad and just to think that what happens is always the best...most of the times it was a mistery for me what he was thinking about me...he said it was ass hard for him to show his love...but still, he didn´t cared that much about me...and that even tho all of his problems if he really wanted me as he said he would be here, or at the very least trying to...still i´m an ass...i still miss waking up and having old sms´s from him...i loved when he used to ask me what was on my mind...and that we talked in english...it was nice while it last...i won´t name the bad things cause i just wanna like "alimentar mi ego" using this thing my mom told me to...to write good stuff...the good things about me, my life, friends and feelings other peoples has had for me...so i thing i´m done for the nite...i know there are still a lot more boys to come...but is helpless to feel nostalgic about the good times...
with B i was so damn young! i really was a kid...but i was soooo into him...i think i really was inloved with him...we just started hanging together and then he was all the time in my home...my mom loved him, we had friends in common, i cried with him, we laughed so hard, played so much, and learned so many stuff....he woke up in me so many feeling i didn´t knew...and i learned a lot about myself with him...we used to talk for hours on the phone and spend all afternoon together, nights watching tv...sometimes "cooking" with our friend b.c (initials changed) ^_^ i´m so dumb! anyways when it ended i was kinda mean...we did wrong, he did, so did i...and i decided to take him out of my life...with a clean cut...i spent almost 2 years in regret...till something happened with B2 and talking to my mom i decided it was time for me to give B a call...and he accepted my apologies and reacted amazingly well to my words...i´m so glad for that nite i took the phone! we taklked for over an hour even tho we hadn´t talked in a few years!...now we talk now and then, i know things won´t ever be the same...time changes everything...i´m just pretty happy of what i lived and learned...hope he thinks the same...
B2 was this boy...a lil bit older than me...there was phisicall atraction from the fisrt minute...everyone could tell...then i started an introduction class to his classroom cause it was my social service to the university i attend to...so we started talking...and sharing stuff...but real stuff...problems, feelings...the coolest part was the flirting games on the hallway...but he was a broken boy...too many problems so i realized it was kinda contagious and i did some really bad stuff i´ve feel guilty all this time to the person who most deserves all my love, devotion and dedication for so many reasons that naming them would take me like a zillion posts...still i told him how i felt about him and things just died...he acted like an ass...after that he tried to get close again a few times but i may not know what i really really want but i sure know what i don´t want...
Q is this boy who´s a lil bit younger than me...at the beggining i was so playing hard to get but sooo dying to be around him...he asked me out on a valentines days and i kinda said nope, that day he sent an e-mail with his cell phone number and i wrote to him weeks after that!! cause one day we where on the msn and he told me that medium was on, that he was staying talking but he needed me to remind him to see it that sunday, so i wrote to let him know...and he answered something like "there´s never been a better time to be on fire" jaja...i learned here that you have to let feelings flow and not to overthink...tho is so damn hard to me! well he did so many little things nobody did before that i think it...i´m not sure...i think the word that fits here might be infatuation...or may be not cause infatuation is whitout a reason but we did have reasons...anyways...i recall one nite we where on the msn and he used to make playlists for me and he said he was doing it for me to remeber if someday things ended that someone worked hard (se habia fajado) picking pretty songs for me...or like that time he said that he was getting online so late cause he knew i´d be there but that he usually didn´t, that before me he only got online to check his mail and then leave, that he was there cause of me...i remember our first date was at la estancia, and we layed down on the green green gras, talking and stuff, then one of this plants that fall like helicopters fall down and i grabbed it and show him how it worked...he took the plant into his bag, i thought that was sweet like if he wanted to keep it as a memory or so...one day we where in some kinda discution and i said something about him not caring...he asked me that then why he stayed online talking to me till 3 am on a school day...or that day i told him i thought of him during the day and wondered some things about him and he said he loved so...one day he went to this place (i think he nerver told me wich place was it), he came back so excited he said he wanted to take me there, to show me the things he saw...i have this thing for some hours...12:34, 11:11, 4:44, and stuff and he used to sent me sms´s with those times...he used to write to me almost everynight just to see what was i doing...to let me know which shows where on on tv, make word games, let me know everytime "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" was on, sent pieces of lyrics on those sms, and gave me a few songs (i think that "this mess we´re in" by tom yorke and P.J. Harvey was the first one...and staind´s "Epiphany", an i think there, there by radiohead)...one day he wrote to me just to say that he had been thinking of me for no reason...it was nice......the day after my bday we went out and it was like the coolest nite we had...when he said goodbye he touched my hand grabing my fingers in such a sweet way i still remeber how it thrilled me...i´m so stucked there...still he did some shitty things that i try to keep in mind to not feel bad and just to think that what happens is always the best...most of the times it was a mistery for me what he was thinking about me...he said it was ass hard for him to show his love...but still, he didn´t cared that much about me...and that even tho all of his problems if he really wanted me as he said he would be here, or at the very least trying to...still i´m an ass...i still miss waking up and having old sms´s from him...i loved when he used to ask me what was on my mind...and that we talked in english...it was nice while it last...i won´t name the bad things cause i just wanna like "alimentar mi ego" using this thing my mom told me to...to write good stuff...the good things about me, my life, friends and feelings other peoples has had for me...so i thing i´m done for the nite...i know there are still a lot more boys to come...but is helpless to feel nostalgic about the good times...
I´d just like to know if he ever thinks of me...i guess the answer is no...he´d write to me or so...i hate not to know...i guess i don´t wanna know...plus i won´t write or do a thing...cause i kinda know he´s not right for me...anyways..it pisses me off...i heard a few day s ago that things or moments that don´t mean a thing to some and just forget...are turning points in the other persons life...i just hope to be some kind of mark or special spot in his mind...if not...well...he´s a real ass...
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