.-As Always...

I always come back when i´m pissed off....

i haven´t written in a whole lot of time, but right know there´s somthing going on and off in the back of my head...death...

working at a hospital can be awesome but heartbreaking...

you get to meet awesome people (employees, students and patients), like this guy i met on the first days of february, he was such a fun man, specially for a man in the ICU, i remember we talked about movies, the beatles, trips, ice creams, it was amazing how every monday he asked me about how i spent my weekend, and he kept asking me wath exercises to do because he wanted to be walking pretty soon, i remember one day a dr was counting the patients going out of the ICU and he started yelling: "dr! here! me!! me!! Mariom get me a whistle! get me a whistle or a mic! help me! i´m gonna start a march!", he was a good patient, even in the days when he was so weak that he could barely talk he tried to make jokes...weeks passed and passed, he got better, got worse, i met his whole family and some friends, got better again, it was on and off...then my 3 months shift on the hospitalization area ended and my good friend Olga and i switched patients, a weekago i found out he was on the ICU again, a few days after he passed away...as i found out tears started bursting out of my eyes, not only for his wife, his 3 sons and his daughther...it was mostly for him! it was ALL about him...

i mean...he was there because of a small ddigestive problem, it was a simple procedure, but something wasn´t rigth...and things started to be worse and worse each day, it was unhuman...he had a huge open wound in his stomach and he couldn´t eat (i remember he wanted us to get him some vanilla ice cream)...

do you imagine spending 4 months in bed in a hospital, not been able to move, to eat, in the hopes of going home and free again?? and then die!!!! what the hell?? i mean...if the universe ment to teach him or his family something....it wasn´t necesary to put them trough all that suffering!!! and now they have to pay for all that insurance covering, and they are all alone...

plus...all i can imagine is how scared he should have been when he was about to die...even tho...i guess he might have been gratefull that it was over...i just, i hope his wife was there to hold his hand, or at least a nurse, i mean if i had to die and i couldnt have my mom by my side, i´d like to have someone to hold my hand, i don´t mind if its a stranger...

i wanna talk to his wife...i´ve been meaning to call her, bu t i wouldn´t know what to say, i just wanna show her support, but...i can´t even think of it without crying a lil bit...